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Name: Tayyaba
Interests: Family. Islam. Peace. The Moon. Books. Quotations/Lyrics. Sleep. Particular Foods. Shoes. Bhangra/Dancing. World Market. Unusual things. Kindness.
Expertise: wasting time online
Occupation: I help the poor people
Industry: Non-Profit
Message: message me
Member Since:
11/15/2006
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| 02/04/10 -- thinking about moving to wordpress.com and shaving my head. decisions, decisions.
02/03/10 -- "my mind shines even when my thoughts seem dark"
01/30/10 - continued
Have you ever gotten locked out of your car? or your apartment? When it's FREEZING cold outside and your fingers start to feel like they are going to fall off? no? Well, how about when you have to walk from your car to your office, school, or the store? I'm sure you know what i'm talking about!! Now, what if you had no choice but to be outside in the cold and all of a sudden you realized that you don't have any money for dinner nor do you have a home to go back to. What if you didn't have your warm comfy bed, no possessions, no lap top, or car, or cell phone... now, imagine that and multiply that with a 100. I think, that might be somewhat close to how the homeless people feel. every day. all day.
The other day, as I was driving home on the same route I drive everyday and have been for the past two years and as I stopped at the traffic light I saw a homeless guy. This was not the first time I saw him standing there in the cold. I have actually seen him in the past. But, this time I SAW him. Our eyes met as I handed him a five dollar bill and it shook me inside. His old wrinkled face, his quick hands, and his unkempt white beard. Why do I deserve what I have and he doesn't? I thought about that as I drove home crying. Crying over how selfish i've been in the past when I thought my life was hard, crying for the homeless man who had just smiled at me with such kind eyes. I sort of promised myself that I will not let myself forget that feeling.
*I am tyring to organize something with my friends where we can feed homeless people or help them in some way. if you have any ideas please send them my way. thank you SO much.*
01/30/10
let it snow, let it snow, let it snow. Almost drove down the hill after class. They had closed the street because apparently cars were sliding down the street. ekk. but i'm a good driver so, instead of going down the hill I went up the hill... which took about 20 minutes!!!!!! WHA!! Home alone for now. sort of cleaned the drive way and all the cars. I know I will get yelled at by everyone once they get home, BUT I can do anything a guy can do. now, numaz and then mint hot chocolate.
01/29/10
My search for the perfect... temperature. It's either too hot or too cold in my office. I turn the heater on and off and on and off. sigh. I've had the door closed today because there are too many people walking around and i'm also in my jeans and t-shirt mode.
This paper won't write itself Tayyaba... and staring at the screen won't help much.
01/28/10
How amazing was the State of the Union speech last night!! I listened to it on my way home from school. I fell in love with Obama a year and a half ago, as I listened to his speeches, saw pictures of him and his family together. especially the way he looks at his wife. dang. He must be a GREAT man... you know, one of those that come along once in a while! A great father, a great husband, a great leader, and most importantly a great human being. Full of courage, commitment, honesty, and genuine care for his people. Well, as I listened to his speech last night I felt my nerves in my neck and shoulders tense up. I could feel myself question everything he was saying. All the promises he made last year... is he really going to fulfill them? Is he really who I thought he was? I admire this man who in reality, I don't really know!! Humans can be pretty deceiving. You think you know someone, but then they leave you shocked and questioning all that you whole heartedly believed in. So, long story short, I no longer believe Obama is who I thought he was. I will only judge him on his actions and what he does and will no longer assume that he is this amazing great man just by listening to what he says. Because in all honesty, how amazing are human beings anyways? We are all, capable of anything. good or bad and to what extent is the only difference.
01/27/10
Received an email from a coworker with an inspirational quote and a request! Take a day of the week and send an inspirational quote out to bunch of us at work. How lovely!! I requested Friday. Jummah Mubarak =) Here is the one she sent: “I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much.” ~Mother Teresa.
on another note, my conversation with a friend last night:
Me: everyone always says that you’ll find someone great one day, but is that really true? Will we? Out of my 10 friends 8 are single. Really!?!?!
Noor: well maybe you’ll just be single… forever, till you die a sad lonely death…. In your parents house.
Me: I’m pretty sure by THAT time my parents won’t be around and so it’ll be MY house! *sad face*
Noor: Or… your brother’s house.
01/26/10
I got my car detailed, but my seats are still wet. darn. So now, I sit here at work, with wet pants and no motivation to do anything in life. still have that paper to do that's due tomorrow and the one that's due saturday. will I get to them? probably not. do I care? nope. welcome to my new life.
01/25/10
"I shall pass this way but once; any good therefore, that I can do or any kindness that I can show, let me do it now. Let me not defer nor neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again".
01/24/10
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| A'salam - Dec 23rd, 2009 Helloooo. I'm back home safely alhumdulilah. I know I know... I would've updated if I could only get a good internet connection for more than two seconds!!! I would like to apologize to all my readers that actually cared if I was alive or not! lol alright, so I got back Monday night and am still horribly jet lagged. took yesterday off from work and now am at work trying to catch up... erm and taking a little break cause my head is hurting and I can't think. Let me TRY to fill you in... I might be all over the place though: The rest of my trip was chaotic, horribly stressful and yet it was lovely. Alhumdulilah the wedding went well and everything was GREAT. can't say the same for my clothes. I had to wait everyday till 8 p.m. to get my clothes and hence we were late everyday. However, clothes were the last of my worries... but alhumdulilah everything went well. I was NOT able to visit any of the historical places *BIG sad face* just because we had NO time. Because of the internet problem I had no connection to the outside world. I was not able to enroll into the payment plan I wanted to for Georgetown. EKKK I had no idea if I was registered for my classes and was not able to contact any of my friends back home; which left some of them a bit worried. booo for bad internet connections. I did however ate a lot of nasty street food the week after the wedding and even the night of my flight; which left me feeling nauseated and disgusted to the point that I was not able to eat ANYTHING through out the first half of my flight. My mom on the other hand ate the dinner they served and got severe food poisoning. We got her medication once we landed in Dubai, but she was not able to eat anything for the rest of the flight. =\ alhumdulilah she is fine now. Once we got to JFK it took us 8 hours to drive back home because of the snow and nasty monday night traffic, but I have never been so happy to come back home. alhumdulilah. Even though I am SOO happy that we are all back home safely part of us still misses what we left behind. I miss my cousin and just being in Pakistan. I wish I had more time to explore and visit places. I wish the condition of the country was better, but inshAllah next time I go it'll be a MUCH better trip. I also wasn't able to take many pictures because 1) I had no time, 2) the memory card got full after I filmed the monkey and the goat show on the street, and 3) because i'm lazy. I have not unpacked anything yet except for taking our few things form my hand bag. did I mention that i'm still jet lagged? good thing I don't have work till Monday. will update later once I get home... maybe. =) byeeeeee P.S - Being in Pakistan reminded me AGAIN how lucky I am. ALHUMDULILAH. I have SO much it's insane. If you think you have it hard PLEASE go and look at the lives people are living in the 3rd world countries and they STILL are thankful to God. Unemployment, sickness, death, bombs.... dealing with insane things yet we over here with our centrally heated homes think our lives are hard. THINK before you complain next time. What have you done so amazing that you think you deserve more? Make dua, but always be thankful for what you've got or it might be taken away before you know it. A'salam - Dec 10th, 2009 12:40 p.m. back home and 10:40 p.m. here in Pakistan. Stomach issues and MAJOR headache. tomorrow night is the mehndi and I STILL don't have any of my clothes. The tailor told me today that he would give me my mehndi dress tomorrow at 3 and we have to be at the wedding place by 6. we have SOOO much things to do my head is spinning. For now, we are going to get the CD's made, picking up the 30 dupattas, and then making the 200 bangals sets while we practice our dance. need to do all this tonight because tomorrow we have to get the 200 gajras (flowers) and the methai (sweets) before we get ready. skjdfhskjdfhksdhfksd A'salam - Dec 8th, 2009 The heart is heavy. Got so much to say but nothing comes out... Mayoon was on Monday. Today is wednesday 8 a.m. and it's Tuesday 10 p.m. in the US. Woke up an hour ago, but everyone is still sleeping in our room. I've had an upset stomach for few days now. Friday is the mehndi. I still don't have my clothes. Today all the markets are closed in Lahore due to the blasts. We've all been watching the news constantly. No one in the family is allowed to go out unless you really have to. I'm exhausted by everything. For now here are some pictures: Sale sign while shopping. 
Rare Pakistani Flower - Punjab University Botanical Garden. 
A'salam - Dec 6th, 2009 1 a.m. back home and 11 a.m. here. I woke up around 2 hours ago, but was too tired to move. Sonimamo got here safely alhumdulilah and we had typical Pakistan breakfast once he got home. After wards we felt so sick that Leena and I decided to go on a walk with mamijan. We walked about a mile and later fell asleep waiting for mamijan on a side bench because we had stayed up all night. I saw tons of couples skipping school and hanging out at the park on a saturday morning. yes, they have school here on saturdays. Seeing these couples walk side by side with shy smiles on their faces was an interesting experience.... Once we got home we slept for two hours and then left to go see Punjab University where Leena's aunt works (will post pictures). The wedding starts on Monday and i'm nervous because I still don't know what i'm wearing. went to the tailor yesterday and he sang the same old tune. I can't bring myself to get mad at him since I was told his mom passed away recently. In fact, I want to cry and give him an imaginary hug everytime I see him. Being in Pakistan always shakes me up a bit. There are sad stories everywhere around you and I find myself wondering why them and why not me? I don't know the plan for today, but all I know is that i'm going to eat a lot and try to breath. bye I guess A'salam - Dec 4th, 2009 8 a.m. back home and 6 p.m. here. Just got back from the tailor. Still have no idea what i'm wearing for the wedding; which makes me want to cry... along with other things. i'm cold and feeling sick. Ama is sick already. Why do we get sick everytime we visit Pakistan? -- Took a little break to tell one of my seconds cousins 'bhai's' the address for one of the wedding venues... awkward since I only met him once last year and just now was forced to have a conversation over the phone. I have so many second cousins here that I have barely ever met. I wish I knew all of them. At times I wonder if I would get along with them or what kind of personalities they have. I'm going to make sure I get introduced to each and everyone of them. I want to keep track of my family. Sonimamo & Co are coming tonight and I couldn't be more excited. I've missed Arsalan and Suleman baby!! Here is something in URDU!! haha figured it makes sense since i'm in Pakistan. not sure if you will understand, but enjoy: Sambhal lo Sambhal lo abhi Is say pehlay ka bikharjain hum Subha ka sooraj aur raaat ka chaand Sab kuch inhi hathoon main Inhi hathoon main thaam lo sab Iik din agar akalay ho jao To in dinoon ko yaad karlayna Bus khuda ka naam layna A'salam - Dec 3rd, 2009 I'm writing American dates on my blog because my computer is still set for the US and i'm not planning on changing it. It's Dec 4th 10 a.m. here in Pakistan and Dec 3rd 12 a.m. in the US. Woke up about two hours ago and had breakfast: an orange, a pear, two eggs, 4 slices of bread. YUM. Excited for next week when everyone is going to be here and my cousin won't have to work. Yesterday, I spent most of the day in bed and at night I fell asleep way too early while wearing my jeans and scarf around my neck. Woke up in the middle of the night and took off my scarf and sweater. Today, i'm hoping we will get some more stuff done. Things move so slow here compared to back home where we are always running around doing things. Not sure which one is better really... both has its goods and bads I guess. All of a sudden i'm sleepy again and don't want to think about anything. Nice and caring people always get taken advantage of, that's the moral of the story. Going to visit naniami. Bye. A'salam from the land of Pakistan. Nov, 30th 2009. Yes, two years in a row except this year the air is different. I'm excited to be here yet I feel home sick. maybe because not all of my family is here yet. waiting for my brothers and mamo's to get here. two major aspects of my life. I feel lost without some of the men in my life... Today is the second day and I just woke up. The flight here was LONG and tiring, but alhumdulilah we got here safely. There are billion things to do for my brothers wedding, but I need a cup of chai to fix my headache this morning. Yes, you heard me right... I strangely start to drink tea in Pakistan. Back home I dont drink tea, coffee, or any sort of soda, but since Pakistani milk smells weird to me (even when I lived here) I can only drink chai. I still haven't gotten enough sleep and am sort of discombobulated, but in a little while the plan is to go shopping and visit some of the relatives that refuse to come to the wedding unless they are invited in person by my parents... I personally thought this was a great way to cut back on the 300 number, but my rents didn't agree with my great idea. Anyways, I need to unpack a little before we leave since i'm an organized freak and bags everywhere are driving me a bit nuts. I will, like last year, update this xanga post during my trip. Please, keep me and my family in your duas. Love you and miss you. Pakistan Zindabad. | | |
| It's so easy to get all caught up in your daily life that you forget what's really important to you! Like i've said before, I don't really care to write in my xanga much. At times I have to just let it out and just write so I do, but mostly I am a private person and I feel weird letting other people read my thoughts... that are usually random and all over the place anyways! This whole week i've been feeling kinda sad because Ramadan is almost over. =( Every year I cherish this month, but don't always accomplish what I set out to at the beginning of the month. So, I decided that instead of focusing on just one month, why not just try to focus on my daily life. Instead of mourning over the end of Ramadan, why not start practicing for next Ramadan!! Collect my thoughts and watch my actions. I guess i'm finally going to try to see if I can use xanga for a good purpose!! If I feel it's not working and is a waste of my time (like facebook) I will most likely stop... Okay, so i'm going to start writing more, not too often because lets face it... my thoughts aren't that funny or fun to read, BUT i'm going to try to see if I can improve myself and my thoughts by writing them out. In a way thinking out loud. Sometimes when you do that, you catch yourself, no? And of course maybe others can catch my mistakes and crazy ideas!!! haha so here I go... random thoughts pouring out:
Do people not know that they are wrong? I guess not. Let me tell you. There is a wrong thing to do and there is a right thing to do, but there is nothing in the middle. we just make up stuff in the middle to make ourselves feel better about our bad decisions. "i treated her like that because she deserved it" "I lied because i had to otherwise they would've gotten into a lot of trouble" "I couldn't pray because I was working too hard and had no time". There is always a way to do the right thing, but for that you need courage. Courage to sometimes fight with yourself, courage to stand up to others, and courage to simply... realize and admit that you are wrong and correct yourself.
What does it really mean to become a better person anyways? To me, it would be to become a better Muslim. I used to get so fustrated because I wanted to change so many things about me over night and when I tried I always would fail and go right back to where I started from. My mom once told me, 'Why don't you start by praying at least two prayers everyday and adding in more". WHAT A GREAT IDEA!!! Slow and steady wins the race right!!?!?!! I've realized that this will be a long journey, in fact I will spend my life time trying to correct and better myself. i'm okay with that as far as I feel like something is changing.. for the better. I hope I never get used to doing the wrong thing or lose my sense of shame. It is good to feel guilty when you do something bad. these days we don't want our kids to feel 'guilty', but I think it's an important part of your spiritual journey and important for little ones to experience so they won't do it again. How many times do you do the things that make you feel bad? not much right? so if you associate bad/guilty feeling with the things you don't want to do than inshAllah most likely you won't do them as much. Of course if you start to think that what you are doing is okay and lose your sense of shame you will lose your direction. If you don't feel bad for the things you do wrong than how will you change your actions and your thought process? I try to remind myself of the sins I commit; which tends to make me feel like crap and at times I even cry lol, but that's exactly what I want. I want to feel the guilt. I want to fear Allah swt. I want to remember that I will have to answer for my actions one day and that this world is nothing but a test. of course I don't always do that. at times I try to convince myself that what I did was reasonable and okay... ehh no!!
It's easy to 'want to be a better muslim' even easier to attend religious conferences and lectures (socializing!!), but it's hard to actually DO something about it and take something away from those conferences/lectures and apply them to your everyday life. It's always easy to be a hypocrite and even easier to not know that you are one. We look down upon others for the things they do or for the things they don't do, but we forget to look inside ourselves and at our own actions. Who are we to criticize someone? When you prayed, did Allah swt tell you that you are better than the person who didn't pray? How do you know what Allah swt thinks about that person? Maybe Allah swt will show the light to that individual at some point in their life and like them better than you! My point is, we don't know and we are no one to judge. How easy it is for people to forget this!!! What does it mean to be 'religious'? praying 5 times a day and being the president of your masjid's committee doesn't mean you are pious... if you judge, lie, cheat, and hurt others around you. Remember Allah swt might forgive you for the sins you will commit towards him, but the sins towards other human beings even Allah swt can't forgive you for!! Why else do you think old/dying people ask others around them for forgiveness!?!? we fear that on the day of judgement Allah might forgive us and than tell us that we still are going to hell because of the sins we committed towards our brothers and sisters and we are all brothers and sisters. I read in some Islamic book once that you are suppose to help your brothers and sisters be the best they can be, you are suppose to bring them up and not tear them down, you aren't suppose to spread hate but spread love. Islam is spreading so fast through out the world because it's a beautiful religion that promotes love and respect. You think a non-muslim is going to want to be convert when they see you being an arrogant jerk? um, no.
"Love is more than three words mumbled before bedtime. Love is sustained by action, a pattern of devotion in the things we do for each other every day." You iman is just like love, it's sustained by action, a pattern of devotion in the things we do every day. Love your religion the way you are suppose to love your significant other. May Allah forgive and guide me and the ones I love towards the right path inshAllah. | | |
| It's been so long... and nothing has changed much except that i'm a year older. It's amazing how your birthday can make you so happy and so sad at the same time... well, not SO sad, but maybe a bit lonely? Anyways, mine was yesterday and I had a great day alhudulilah. Actually, I had a great week. The amount of love I received made me feel a bit guilty cause there are so many people that love and care for me so why do I let myself feel lonely!?!? what a shame right! So, that stops now. I'm making a list of things I want to do before my next birthday. kinda exciting. Maybe i'll post it.
I've been thinking about building a book shelf in my room. that's right, building one. I looked and looked and I can't seem to find the kind I want so, why not build one!?!? I know I can do it if I just had the time. I always wanted to have a library. One day I will... with books resting on rich dark wooden shelves, a big comfy leather chair next to a window that overlooks a nice garden with flowers and vegetables. For now, i'll just have one in my room. The thing is, I hate not being able to find a book I want to read. Sometimes, I just want to read a part of a book I remember and when I know I have to move half a bookshelf to find it I end up not doing it atall and that irritates me. Currently i'm reading about 5 books, but I'll read 'The Man Who Mistook His Wife For A Hat", I read it back in college for one of my classes but I wanted to reread it so I bought it the other day from Boarders.
I also want to sell my current camera and buy a new one. I want to teach myself more about photography and i'll need a better camera to experiment.
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| I dislike writing in my xanga for the hell of it, cause to be honest my life isn’t interesting at all. BUT I just had to write cause there is way too much building up inside. lol Ok so first of all, the thing that got me over the edge: kids being in love and expressing it on facbeook!!! Seriously? Also, why is it that I feel like everyone and their mom is getting engaged or married? You KNOW you are getting old when someone who you thought was a kid is posting some love song lyrics on facebook asking his Juliet to marry him. Dear God, you were just 10 two days ago!!!! I KNOW I’m not that old. Dang. I mean it’s fine if you are in your mid twenties and you want to get married. FINE. But please don’t be posting on facebook if you are 12. Ok fine, he isn’t really 12 but still too young to be talking about marriage, esp on facebook!! I mean do you really covet for that much attention?? Maybe you do and in that case, nice work cause you clearly got mine =) Alright so secondly, crazy drivers!!! I have met all sorts of crazy drivers in the past year since my commute is almost 3 hours a day, but today’s contestant shocked my pants! After my dentist appointment I was driving on this road that is known for having cops everywhere… ahem… I have gotten a ticket on that road along with some of my friends. Anyways, so I’m driving and as I look over the lady in the next car over to me is reading… WHILE DRIVING!!! Alright, I’ve read newspaper while I was behind the steering wheel, but only when the light was red. This lady who btw was in a minivan with weird hair style and huge glasses was ACTUALLY reading a BOOK!!! And no, it wasn’t a mistake cause I actually monitored her for at least two to three minutes and she drove almost 35 miles an hour as she drove and calmly read her book. I mean, WHAT is so important that can’t wait till you get home and aren’t in a position where you can potentially kill someone?? Seriously, PUT THE BOOK DOWN. I would hate to see a campaign against ‘reading and driving’. Got Welch’s fruit snacks the other day from Costco and as I walked out of the store eating one of the packets I remembered to check the ingredients which OF COURSE included gelatin. Now, I shall give them away to one of my non-muslim friends. Want some? OMG and what is going on with Xanga?? I signed in after a while to find out I have 54 messages??? What in the world??? Is everyone getting these weird messages?? Probably. I haven’t open them yet but I think they are just generic messages to get you to sign for something? I’m guessing… There were definitely other things that were bothering me, but now I can’t think of it cause I’m hungry. Maybe later I will finish writing this hater post. PEACE. | | |
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